


apple cider, i don't mind

by starlight_sugar



Category: Neoscum (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 02:57:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16966386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_sugar/pseuds/starlight_sugar
Summary: Dak turns around, and Max jumps onto his back in a well-practiced motion. “Who’s ready for an open house?” (In which Dak isn't a cool uncle, but he is a good one, and Tech is an elementary school librarian.)





	apple cider, i don't mind

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of the AUcember series, a self-made challenge where I try to write a new AU one-shot every day. This was originally posted on Tumblr on December 10th and is being cross-posted upon request. You can read all of the AUcember fics in the collection linked above.
> 
> The title of this fic comes from [Apple Cider, I Don't Mind](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsWuKaHbSFM) by Modern Baseball.
> 
> With all my endless, endless love to Tam, who helped me work out the ideas for this fic, and whose ideas tend to be much, much funnier than mine.

Dak cups his hands around his mouth. “Max!” he shouts up the stairs. “Come on, buddy, we gotta get going!”

“I can’t find my backpack!” Max yells back.

“You left it in the kitchen! And you don’t need the backpack, this is just an open house!”

“I can’t go to school without a backpack, you made me promise!”

“This isn’t a normal school day, and we’re running late!”

Max gasps from upstairs, surprisingly loud with his little seven-year-old lungs. That’s one of the crazy things about kids: they’re fucking loud. They talk loud. They scream loud. Even their dramatic gasps are loud enough to hear downstairs. “Mister Z doesn’t like it when people are late!”

“Then we’d better get going,” Dak says, or starts to say when Max comes barrelling down the stairs and more or less leaps into Dak’s chest, full-force.

Dak catches him, because what kind of an uncle would he be if he dropped him, and drops him on the stairs. Max lands with a quiet oof and a giggle and looks up at Dak. “I think you’re gonna like Mister Z.”

Max loves Mister Z. He has made absolutely no secret of it. Dak doesn’t know anything about the guy, other than he teaches second grade and he is Max’s all-time favorite person right now. Also, he’s apparently into all the weird science projects that kids love, with the slime and the volcanoes and maybe a class pet or something, Dak can’t really keep track. But he does want to meet the guy for himself.

“I think I am too.” Dak ruffles Max’s hair and then looks down. Max is wearing a bow tie with his Spiderman T-shirt. “Whoa there, kiddo, what’s with the fancy outfit?”

Max’s cheeks flush pink. “It’s a special day,” he says defensively.

Dak knows exactly why Max is dressed up, probably. Max told Pox that he has a crush on Mister Z, and because Pox is the coolest goddamn babysitter in the world, she immediately told Dak about it. Pox is fucking great, because sometimes she lets Dak just pay her with food, and because Max loves her, and because she tells Dak the important secrets that his nephew is keeping.

“Okay,” Dak says placatingly. “Stand up, c’mere, let me fix it.”

Max’s eyes narrow, but he stands up, and Dak bends down to adjust the bow tie. “Normally we put these with the shirts with the collars, you know that?”

“You call those monkey suit shirts.”

“Yeah, and I have a job where I never have to wear them, but it’s nice to have ‘em if you ever wanna wear a tie around your neck.”

“Where else would you wear it?”

“Around your head, like a bandana.”

Max giggles. “That’s silly!”

“Of course it is!” Dak turns around, and Max jumps onto his back in a well-practiced motion. “Who’s ready for an open house?”

“Me!” Max shouts.

“Who’s ready to meet Mister Z?”

“You!”

“And who’s ready to get McDonald’s afterwards?”

“Both of us!”

“Hell yeah, both of us!” Dak lifts one hand behind his head, and Max smacks it in the tiniest, greatest seven-year-old high five known to man. “Let’s get going!”

#

The facts are these:

First, Dak didn’t ever really intend to have kids. He and Shirley talked about it back in the day, and after they broke up he never really saw much of a point in being a dad. He likes kids, sure, but he also likes driving trucks and being on the open road and all that shit. He likes that he can leave home for a few weeks and not worry about coming back. He likes listening to audiobooks and being by himself.

Second, he didn’t know his sister that well before she died. Carrie was a good twelve years younger than him, and they were never all that close. He knew that she had kids, had even met them once or twice. And he knew that her husband was a real shitbag, but he had never stopped to think about… well, about custody or any of that. He figured that she had her own life, and she would work all that out, and it would be fine.

Third, there was a car accident that took Carrie, and her baby, and Max’s leg from the knee down. And fourth, completely without Dak’s knowledge, he was listed as Max’s legal guardian if anything happened to Carrie. And that was how Dak ended up with a four-year-old and no fucking clue what to do with him.

It’s the kind of thing where there’s no learning curve, and he figured that out real fucking quick. Kids don’t care that you’ve never had a kid before, they care about getting a grilled cheese and cool pajamas. It’d totally rearranged Dak’s life, and as much as he loves Max now, it was fucking hard. It was really fucking hard.

It was worth it, though. Dak knows it was worth it every time he high-fives Max, and every time he stays up late helping Max through his English homework, and every single morning he wakes up and this kid is still here. It’s worth it.

#

Mister Z is a little younger than Dak expected. He’s sitting on his desk in the front of the room, talking to a woman who has three tiny kids running around her, but he still catches Dak’s eye and nods when Dak walks in. Dak nods back, as though he has any idea what’s happening, and lets Max start dragging him around the room.

He’s been to a couple open houses at this point, and he’s still not really sure what the point is. Especially considering that he has to deal with how weird people get every time he introduces himself as Max’s uncle - no, not his dad, yes, his guardian, and why the fuck are you asking what happened to his parents, that’s fucking insane. People have no sense of privacy.

“This is my desk,” Max announces, tugging on Dak’s hand as they reach a desk in the corner of the room. “This is where I sit and take notes and read books under the desk sometimes, but the books are always about science so it’s okay.”

“Where do you get science books?” Dak says, which he knows is probably not the right parental response, but fucking whatever, uncle privileges. “Should I be buying you science books?”

“We have a library,” Max says, in the most /duh tone of voice that Dak has ever heard from him. He is, despite literally all logic, very proud. “The new librarian Mister The Tech Wizard helps me find good science books, and sometimes he gets me the third and fourth grade ones even though I’m only in second grade, because he says I’m good at reading them.”

“Whoa, slow your roll there.” Dak rests a hand on Max’s desk, running one finger across Max’s nametag taped to the top. “You got a new librarian and his name is-”

“Mister The Tech Wizard,” Max repeats dutifully. “He says we don’t have to call him Mister or anything, and that The Tech Wizard is an old nickname that just kind of stuck, and a lot of the kids just call him Tech Wizard, but I wanna be respectful, because he’s helping me. So I call him Mister The Tech Wizard.”

“Max is very into respect,” a new voice says. Dak is completely unsurprised to look over and see Mister Z, who has a very cool side-cut and very un-teacher-like knee-high studded boots.

Dak looks down at Max. “Who’s teaching you about respect? Because it’s definitely not me.”

“You’re respectful,” Max protests. “And Mister Z talks a lot about respect, so it’s important!”

“But he takes it more seriously than most of the kids,” Mister Z says dryly, and offers his hand. “Hey, I’m Mister Z. I teach your kid how to read and stuff.”

Dak takes it and shakes it, with the best and firmest Dak Rambo handshake that he can manage. “I’m his Uncle Dak.”

“Yeah, he talks about you a lot. You drive trucks?”

“Only when there’s someone to watch him.” Which there normally is, because Pox is great like that. Dak doesn’t know what she does when she’s not babysitting, but she always seems to be around when he needs her. “And you teach a whole bunch of seven-year-olds. How’s that going for you?”

For just a second, Mister Z’s face drops out of professional-cool-teacher mode to a very human, super relatable wince. “I love them, and I love what I do,” he says sincerely, “but, you know.”

Dak does know. “I do know,” he says. “Well, Max thinks you’re great, he only says good things about you, although apparently he reads science books under his desk during class.”

“Dak,” Max whines, looking mortified.

Dak ruffles Max’s hair cheerfully. “Sorry, kiddo, but you gotta pay attention in school! Otherwise you end up like your uncle Dak, driving trucks on the open road, forgetting how to add three plus two.”

“You know what three plus two is!”

“I know it’s different than two plus two.”

“Between you and me-” Mister Z glances conspicuously at Max before leaning in and lowering his voice. “I know he reads the books, but your kid is way fucking smarter than the rest of the class. As long as he keeps turning stuff in on time, I don’t care what he does in class.”

Dak opens his mouth to say that Max isn’t exactly his kid, but before he can ask, Max tugs on his sleeve. “Are you telling secrets about me?” he asks, looking genuinely worried.

“No secrets, buddy, just Mister Z giving me the grown-up 411.” Dak grins and claps Mister Z on the shoulder. He twitches a little bit, but doesn’t shrug Dak off, which is a good sign. Maybe. “I’m glad you’re Max’s teacher, Z, you seem like a cool dude. Can you give us directions to the library? I wanna meet this Mister The Tech Wizard and thank him for giving Max the hook-up.”

“I know where the library is,” Max says indignantly. “And I gotta finish showing you around, and you didn’t really talk to Mister Z.”

“I don’t have a lot to say,” Mister Z admits. “I’ve got a sheet of paper with a little bit about my teaching philosophy, which the district made me write up, but mostly this is for you to show Dak around, Max. Can you do that?”

Max nods determinedly and tugs at his little elastic-neck bowtie. Mister Z looks down, sees the bowtie, and grins. “Hey, nice bowtie.”

“Thank you,” Max says, very politely, and then beams. Dak has to hand it to the kid: he doesn’t even start blushing until Mister Z has moved on to talking to the next parent.

Dak bumps his hand against Max’s shoulder. “You need a minute, or are you ready for the grand tour?”

“I don’t need a minute,” Max says, even though his cheeks are bright, bright pink. It is the cutest fucking thing Dak has ever seen. “I gotta show you all my friends’ desks, and the fishtank.”

“But I can already see the fishtank from here.”

“Daaaaaaaaaaak,” Max says exaggeratedly, so drawn out that Dak is completely sure that Max thinks it’s funny.

“Just a little bit of uncle humor for you,” he says cheerfully. “Come on, show me around the classroom.”

#

The library ends up being their last stop, not for lack of trying, but because every single teacher they see seems to know and love Max. They find his first grade teacher, who never liked Dak but who is still nice to Max, so she’s on thin fucking ice. They find the teacher who does the computer class, and the art teacher, and Max’s gym teacher, who apparently didn’t expect Max’s guardian to be a tough guy. Unluckily for them, Dak is the toughest guy.

“This is the library,” Max announces loudly as he pushes the door open. “There’s computers in here, and a bunch of books.”

Dak whistles as he takes a look around. There are no other parents or kids in sight, only shelves and shelves of books. “Wow. You ever seen this many books in one place at once?”

“Bookstore,” Max points out, which is probably true, but it does kind of ruin Dak’s whole embarrassing uncle humor vibe. “They have the picture books for the littler kids, and the chapter books for the bigger kids, and-”

“And science books for the science kids,” a voice says warmly.

It takes Dak a second to find the source of the voice: behind the counter, off to the side. The man in question, who absolutely has to be Mister The Tech Wizard, is… well, honestly, he’s a little hot, in a very specific way. He’s chubby, a little bit scruffy, and he’s wearing an orange fanny pack and little earrings shaped like stars. And he’s smiling at Max, a nice non-condescending smile, which automatically puts him at the top of Dak’s list of favorite people.

“Hi Mister The Tech Wizard!” Max waves at him. “This is my Uncle Dak, he’s here for the open house and he said something about saying thank you for hooking up.”

“You said those words in the wrong order, bud,” Dak says cheerfully, as Tech Wizard blushes so hard he practically turns purple. “I said I wanted to say thank you for giving Max the hook-up with science books, and Max apparently remembered the two weirdest words out of that sentence.”

Max frowns. “What’s wrong with hooking up?”

“Nothing,” Dak says, “and anyone who ever tells you otherwise is wrong. But that’s one of those things where if you say it a certain way, it means something different to grown-ups.”

“Oh.” Max thinks about this for a few seconds. “Like that time the neighbor knocked over a bucket, and I said he kicked the bucket, but that means something else?”

“Exactly.”

Max nods and looks back at Tech Wizard. “What did I say by accident?”

“Doesn’t matter,” Tech Wizard says, still looking a little mortified. His eyes flick up and down Dak’s body, which is… well, that’s what Dak calls a pleasant surprise. But then he clears his throat and seems to come back to himself, and he looks down at Max. “Okay, let’s try it one more time, what did you want to say?”

“Uncle Dak wanted to thank you for giving me science books.”

“Oh!” Tech Wizard turns back to Dak, any remaining embarrassment melting off of him. “Dude, your nephew is smart, did you know that?”

“Did I know that?” Dak scoffs loudly. “Of course I did! Except for the part where he reads about science.”

“I read all about the table of elements,” Max says proudly.

“He’s reading the kind of books that kids a couple years older than him are supposed to be reading, but blow off,” Tech Wizard explains. “And he understands it all pretty well. Zenith and I talk about it, and we’re pretty impressed.”

“You talk about me?” Max repeats, eyes round. “Really?”

“We talk about a lot of the kids.”

“And my sister’s kid is worth talking about,” Dak says proudly, wrapping a hand around Max’s shoulder and tugging him close. “I don’t have much to say, but I did want to stop by and say thank you for helping him out.”

“It’s my job,” Tech Wizard says, but he smiles, looking pleased. “And you’re welcome. You’ve got a great kid here, you know that? Or a great sister’s kid.”

“Oh, I know.” Dak squeezes Max’s shoulder and looks down. “Do you need any science books right now, do you wanna show me around?”

Max blinks a couple times and opens his mouth, with the face that means he’s embarrassed to say something.

Dak cottons on immediately. “Or do you wanna go to McDonald’s?”

“I wanna go to McDonald’s,” Max says, cheeks coloring ever so slightly, but he looks resolute.

“That’s what I thought.” Dak glances back at the counter. “Looks like we gotta blast, but it was nice meeting you, Mister The Tech Wizard.”

Mister The Tech Wizard waves him off, looking embarrassed. “Just Tech is fine.”

“Just Tech,” Dak repeats. “Got it. And I’m just Dak.”

“Not even I call him Uncle Dak,” Max adds. “Not always, anyways.”

Tech nods. “Dak,” he says, and for a single heart-crunching second Dak is certain that he never wants to hear anyone else say his name again. Not if they’re not gonna say it like that. “It was good to meet you too, Dak.”

“Yeah,” Dak says, and there are already a couple of really, really good excuses to come back and visit the library swirling around in the back of his head. For Max and science books, obviously. And for the way Tech is looking at him, the shy little smile on his face. “Seriously, thank you for keeping an eye out for him.”

“Of course,” Tech says, and waves at Max. “Have a good night.”

“Good night, Mister The Tech Wizard,” Max chirps, and starts dragging Dak towards the door. Dak barely has time to wave before Max is pretty much towing him back down the hall, chattering about books or some shit. And in a minute Dak will feel bad about not really listening, but right now he glances over his shoulder and sees Tech watching them walk away, with a tiny, pleased smile. And, well, he needs a minute to be excited about that.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on Tumblr and Twitter @waveridden! (Please talk to me about this AU. Please.)


End file.
